82nd Academy Awards, Opening Transcript

Announcer: LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, THIS YEAR'S NOMINEES
FOR ACTOR AND ACTRESS IN A
LEADING ROLE --
JEFF BRIDGES.
SANDRA BULLOCK.
GEORGE CLOONEY.
HELEN MIRREN.
COLIN FIRTH.
CAREY MULLIGAN.
MORGAN FREEMAN.
GABOUREY SIDIBE.
JEREMY RENNER.
MERYL STREEP.
LIVE, FROM THE KODAK THEATRE AT
HOLLYWOOD AND HIGHLAND, IT'S
"THE 82nd ANNUAL ACADEMY
AWARDS."
[ APPLAUSE ]
AND NOW, THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL
BEEN WAITING FOR --
>> GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, AND WELCOME TO "THE
82nd ANNUAL ACADEMY AWARDS."
I'M NEIL PATRICK HARRIS.
I KNOW, WHAT AM I DOING HERE?
\M WHY WOULDN'T CROSBY
GIVE UP HOPE
WHY DOES HAROLD CALL KUMAR
WHEN HE SCORES DOPE \M
\M AND WHY DOES A PRISONER
DROP THE SOAP \M
\M 'CAUSE
NO ONE WANTS TO DO IT ALONE \M
\M CAN'T IMAGINE CINDERELLA
WITHOUT THE BALL
OR THE BATTLING BURTONS
WITHOUT A BRAWL \M
\M CAN'T THINK ABOUT BOTOX
WITHOUT YOU ALL \M
\M 'CAUSE
NO ONE WANTS TO DO IT ALONE \M
\M YOU CAN'T TAKE JULIA CHILD
FROM HER PIE
OR TAKE JAMES CAMERON
FROM HIS CGI \M
\M YOU HAVE TO SHARE BILLING
YOU HAVE TO SHARE FAME
AT LEAST THERE'S SOMEONE
TO SHARE THE BLAME \M
\M THIS IS WHY GINGER
LOVED HER FRED
IT'S WHY WARREN BEATTY
STAYED IN BED \M
\M SO WHETHER TEAM JACOB
OR TEAM ED
YOU'RE JUST A LASSIE
MISSING HER BONE \M
\M AND NO, NO
NO ONE WANTS TO DO IT ALONE \M
\M\M
\M TONIGHT THERE'S TWO HOSTS
TO SPLIT THE FEE
I FIRED MY AGENT
'CAUSE ONE'S NOT ME \M
\M ALEC'S ON LOAN
FROM NBC
AND STEVE'S ALREADY DONE IT
ON HIS OWN \M
\M SO GO, GO
BALDWIN AND MARTIN
THE BIGGEST PAIR
SINCE DOLLY PARTON \M
\M THE SHOW'S REALLY STARTIN'
AND NO ONE WANTS TO DO IT
ALONE \M
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
\M\M
>> HERE WE GO, DARLING.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU.
>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I AM
PLEASED TO INTRODUCE ACTOR,
WRITER, MUSICIAN, GRAMMY AND
EMMY WINNER, ONE OF THE MOST
ENDURING ENTERTAINERS OF ALL
TIME, MR. STEVE MARTIN.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY
MUCH.
THANK YOU.
AND THIS IS ALEC BALDWIN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WELCOME TO "THE 82nd ANNUAL
ACADEMY AWARDS."
EVERYONE WANTS AN OSCAR, BUT
THEY'RE VERY HARD TO GET.
>> THAT'S RIGHT, STEVE.
BALLOTS ARE SENT OUT TO 6,000
MEMBERS OF THE ACADEMY.
>> YES, AND THEN THEY MARK THEIR
BALLOTS AND THEN THEY ARE
TABULATED BY PRICE WATER HOUSE.
>> AND THEN NO MATTER WHAT, THEY
NOMINATE MERYL STREEP.
>> MERYL STREEP HOLD ALSO THE
RECORD FOR MOST NOMINATIONS AS
AN ACTRESS, OR AS I LIKE TO
THINK OF IT --
[ APPLAUSE ]
OR AS I LIKE TO THINK OF IT,
MOST LOSSES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THE BIGGEST CHANGE THIS YEAR,
THE BEST PICTURE CATEGORY HAS
DOUBLED.
WHEN THAT WAS ANNOUNCED, ALL OF
US IN HOLLYWOOD THOUGHT THE SAME
THING -- WHAT'S FIVE TIMES TWO?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> AND HAVING TEN FILMS IS A
GOOD THING.
IT MEANS THAT SOME MOVIES CAN
GET ATTENTION THAT ORDINARILY
WOULD NOT.
LIKE "THE LAST STATION."
CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER NOMINATED
FOR BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> WHAT'S THAT MOVIE ABOUT?
>> IT'S ABOUT LEO TOLSTOY AND
HIS WIFE, SOFIA.
>> OH, ALEC, YOU SHOULD HAVE
SAID "SPOILER ALERT"!